What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
