I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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