It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
