So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
