you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize