The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
