Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
