Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
