I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
