i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
