I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We are two peas in an std pod
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just googled if crying burns calories
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
