why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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