i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
