Well douche your snatch and let's go!
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
