You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
