I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
