I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize