If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
