I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize