The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
