There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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