Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
