I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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