Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
