She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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