he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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