Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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