I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
