I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
