I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
