i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
