Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
