Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
