I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
