that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
