i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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