it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
