Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
