Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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