i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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