when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
