I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
