There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
