I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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