is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
