ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
