I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
