C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
