Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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