...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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