Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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