I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize