Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
