I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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