We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
