I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
