She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
