Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Vodka?
Forever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
