Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
