david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
