I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
