just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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