Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
