Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
