I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
