I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
