Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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