I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
