He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize