Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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