My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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