Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
