My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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