And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
