Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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