You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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