he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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