you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
