idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
