Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
