I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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