I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We named our party play list daddy issues
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
