you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
