I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
