I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
