I just threw up on my dentist
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
