Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
