it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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