I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
