I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
