An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
