They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
