Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize