This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
