i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You are a genius and a whore.
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