I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The adults are the big ones right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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