I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
