No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've blown a few things in my day
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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