She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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