i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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