WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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