We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
MIDGETS
????
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
