Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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